Free Friday
Teen-Girl Talk
Crushes, High-school Romance, and all that other Silly Nonsense
'Ello, Hidden Wallflower here! Sorry for the late post, but I was trying to take advantage of my Friday and relax a bit. But I will still keep up with the posts, no matter what! So here goes!
Never been kissed? Never had a boyfriend? Never held hands with another person? Don't worry, most of us are like that. And to be honest, I don't really mind, either. I'm too shy for that kinda stuff. Heck, I can't even make proper eye-contact with my parents or close friends -- how am I supposed to do all that romantic stuff with another human being?! That's why I decided to choose this week's Free Friday to talk about my non-existent romantic life.
I've had crushes before, mind you, I think everyone has some. Most of mine were celebrity crushes *cough proud Hiddlestoner, Cumberbitch, JoMo Shipper here*, but that doesn't mean I haven't had a realistic crush before! A person in school, specifically! So don't think that I don't know the feeling. I know exactly what that feeling is-- the heart thumping whenever he walks by, getting excited for the class you take together even if you never ever talk to him, or the heart-exploding moments when he says 'hi' to you. Excuse me while I go fangirl in the corner.
Anyways, I know how this crush thing works.
And guess what?
It's all just a horrible process. I hate how distracted I get, the irrational daydreams I have of our future, or the process of naming babies! Like, what!? Becoming friends with that boy will be magical enough -- or heck, even holding one conversation with him -- but having an entire future!? Nu-uh. Never in my life. I understand that some people will think differently than I do (after all, we are all different people with different opinions!) but this is what I believe.
You can't really blame me for thinking this way because nothing has ever worked out for me.
I'm the type of person who can't open up easily. As much as I want to make new friends and talk to guys and create guy friends, I just can't do it like the others do. I just can't seem to open up without people staring at me weirdly. Everyone thinks I'm this odd psycho and refuses to be friends with me. Apparently talking to myself, listening to rock n' roll, being really funnily-sarcastic, and occasionally being shy isn't what people are looking for.
People have always told me things like, "oh, they'll talk to you first if they're interested," or "you'll make friends eventually, don't worry!" but the thing is, that never happened. No one ever talked to me first. No one wanted to be my friend. And that's why I block them out so quickly and easily. No matter what school I go to, the response is always the same, so I can't help but immediately shut myself and roll into a small ball. It's so much easier to just be alone (though I love talking to grownups. Somehow I can really relate to them and they're fun-er to be around) with the thoughts inside my head.
So why should I ever believe that a boy..or even a girl will ever like me? I mean, think about it! Look at all my flaws.
I hope this post wasn't too depressing. I just really had a wave of that 'teen-girl crushy' feeling crashing onto me all at once, and it was really hard NOT to write down everything my brain spat out. Let's pray that next week's Free Friday will be something optimistic!
I also want to really apologize for the posts being inconsistent. One day I talk about this, the other something else, and then so on. Next time I'll try to keep things a tad bit more organized so that Monday will be a Book Review, Tuesday will be an Opinion (or a Travel. I'm still thinking about that), Wednesday will be a Translation, Thursday will be a List (of anything: music, movies, advice, anything), and Friday will be a Free Day (most of it will be a rant or just girl-chat).
